Day 51

JETT

My poor baby was so unsettled last night and this morning, he kept moving then screwing up his face crying :(. He must have been in pain after his big day yesterday.. The Dr put his morph and medaz back up to 8 from 4mcgs then we did his cares. After that he was still no happier so he had a bolus dose of morph, then eventually they put his infusion back up to 10mcgs. After that he settled thank god. It's so awful seeing my baby in pain..

His platelets had dropped a bit today, but Dr D isn't worried. She expected it after what went on yesterday..

Apart from all that Jett has had a well deserved quiet day. Dr D thinks I'll still be ok to get my cuddle on Monday so I'm really looking forward to that. It will have been 2wks since I have held him.

MUMMY

Big day for me today, lucky Mum was here because I spent most of the day at the Obsteric review clinic waiting to speak to the anaesthetist, having bloods taken etc. My D & C is booked for Tuesday. I am not happy it has to be done, but glad that it will be finally over with. The Dr did a speculum exam and my cervix is open full of clots. She wanted to do something ASAP, but as I'm considered high risk they want to do it in daylight hours, during the week so Tuesday it is. I am scared of Post traumatic stress disorder relating to Jett's birth. When I had bloods done today it was awful. The needle went in but he lost my vein so was digging around for it. It was painful and took me right back to theatre after Jett's birth. I had to tell him to stop and try the other arm. I was a crying mess. I can't believe how a simple blood test can make me feel this way. My birth trauma had been pushed to the back of my mind in the too hard basket, but this is bringing it all back.

The anaesthetist suggested I have a spinal for the D & C. I nearly had a heart attack, the thought of being awake if I start hemorrhaging is terrifying, but I know it would be better than having a general anaesthetic. So we then spoke about having a spinal with light sedation. Maybe that will be an option. Anyway we can discuss it on Tuesday.

It's going to kill me being away from my baby all day, and I have to stay in overnight, most likely in ICU, so i wont be able to see him then either. So glad Mum is here to sit with him. I might even see if I can stay with him all night Monday night. I so can't wait for my hold on Monday, because of his drains I have to hold him in a cradle hold rather than skin to skin. Although I would prefer skin to skin cradle hold will be good too because I will be able to stare at his beautiful face. I just love looking at him. He pulls all these weird facials, he's soo gorgeous!! I just can't believe I have a 7wk old baby. I can't believe he's mine. I am so glad he's still here and fighting on everyday. I can't wait til I can take him home and just be a normal Mama.