Day 19..

JETT

So Bub has been needing some oxygen support today, but not too much, he has been fairly settled. He has started back on Mama's milk, 1ml every 3 hours :).. Dr D said she wasn't going to start him on steroids, she is happy with his ventilation and she is hoping to wean him off without steroids. It may take a little longer, but that's ok. Bub had an echo today, the PDA is measuring 1.7mm, Dr D said it is bigger than the last echo showed, but at the moment she is not giving him a second course of meds to close it, because they can affect his gut. She felt it was more important to start back on feeds than give him meds, when at the moment the PDA isn't really a concern. So all good news, except for the desating.. My baby looks so beautiful, better every day. His neck is almost healed, he is still having bactroban applied, but no kaltostat anymore :.. Mama gave him a sponge bath this morning and he got weighed. Considering he had lasix and has gotten rid of all his fluid, it is a true weight and he weighed.. 976gms!!! Almost at the kilo! His head circumference was done the other day, I keep forgetting to mention it.. His head was a bit fluidy, so although he measured 26cm, they said it could be a bit smaller.. 24 25 maybe.. His head is so CUTE!! It's returning back to a normal shape now the fluid has gone :)

MUMMY

Although Jett's going well, it was one of those days for Mummy. No phone calls, visits or texts, I just couldn't face it. I can do this though, Jett and I can do this. It will all be worth it when he comes home.

I am thinking of coming home for a night this week if Jett is stable enough. Maybe Wednesday I'll go home after his night cares are done at about 9 or 10 then come back up 1st thing in the morning. It will be hard to leave, I cry every night when I leave and I'm only 2 seconds away, but I am so so homesick, I think being away from here, sleeping in my own bed will help my emotional state and give me the sleep and energy I need to keep going.. I'll be gone no more than 12hrs.. Oh God, I feel guilty even considering it.. Fuck this is hard.. 1 day at a time.. I love my baby. I am so glad he is here. I feel like such a sook. I want him to be here, I love him. This situation could be worse.. I could not have him at all and that is my worst nightmare. I have to snap out of this. I love you Jett, we can do this.. I need strength. I feel like I'm losing my strength. I can do this, Jett and I can do this... This is one situation where the power of a Mothers love will win..